Step Away from the Melon! Crimes Committed at Grocery Stores

2009 August 2

Much like our post on crimes you can commit in a marriage, there are other public crimes that aren’t punishable by fine or jail time, but it doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be. Here are our biggest crimes committed by fellow grocery shoppers. You know who you are.

Be nice to your fruit

Sneezing /Coughing on Food

Okay, so you’ve got a cold. That’s fine, but please don’t sneeze or cough all over the food we might buy. Cover your mouth; get a hanky. Whatever you have to do to protect food from gathering your germs—just do it. And don’t think twice.

Not Using Tongs For Samples

Partaking in samples is all very legit. They are there for you to sample delicious things and maybe be persuaded into buying them. Fine. But, shoppers, it is not only a crime against your fellow customers but also to the grocery store and the food itself to stick your fingers into anything, especially when there are tongs right beside the container. If we could call the police on you we would.

Ducking Under the Sneeze Guard

Sneeze guards: there for a reason

This is in the same vein as the two crimes above. We do not want our food contaminated by other people. Now, this is hard with a lot of people shopping in the same place, but you can protect yourself and others by adhering to common courtesy. We’re always shocked by shoppers who duck under the sneeze guard to reach their food. If you’re getting a salad, chances are you can see clearly through the guard since it’s clear and you can probably reach underneath it a-okay. So, make sure you don’t dip your face under it. Not only is that gross, but it looks more uncomfortable than reaching under it easily.

Abusing Produce

We know you want to check your produce for the correct ripeness, but there is a difference between gently squeezing a fruit and manhandling it. See what you’re doing to that melon? That’s assault. And how about the rookies who don’t even know how to check for ripeness and just squeeze away, damaging fruit and vegetables that are perfectly usable in the process. Our avocados deserve better

Little Old Ladies Clogging Lines

We feel for the elderly, we do, but that doesn’t mean we don’t think they should get someone else to do their grocery shopping for them! For some strange reason, little old ladies always clog the checkout lines with counting out their change and rummaging through their coupons. We typically scan for the shortest line, but if we see an old lady at one, it’s on to the next.  Take your grandkid with you; he’ll speed things along.

But we certainly don’t condone running over any old ladies trying to get to the front of the line.

Asking the Baggers to Use Both Plastic and Paper

We’re fine with grocery stores that’ve banned plastic bags—environmentalists unite! And, well, we’ve been known to still get plastic bags when we plan to reuse them. But what we will never understand understand is those who insist on baggers using both plastic and paper bags to bag their groceries. Yeah, you don’t want your paper sacks to rip, but just make sure they’re not stuffed to the brink with groceries. They won’t rip. It’s  just wasteful. Where are the shopping police when you need them?

Driving Your Cart Down the Wrong Side

Maneuvering your grocery cart should be like driving a car. You should stop at the end of the aisle and look both ways before proceeding. Make sure to watch out for wayward kids and be able to stop at a moment’s notice. And always drive your cart down the right side of the aisle. If you don’t there’ll probably be a crash in the cereal aisle. Do we need grocery store traffic cops?

22 Responses leave one →
  1. 2009 August 3

    Clever post. For all the reasons you point out, I stopped patronizing businesses that serve food that requires a sneeze guard. It just gives me the willies.

  2. 2009 August 3
    Chase permalink

    Ha! Gotta agree with you, Pamela. Something about those things is just too fishy. Glad you liked the post. Be sure to come back!

  3. 2009 August 6
    a commentator permalink

    Love the post, totally agree with what you said. Especially the cart thing. I HATE that and have nearly gotten into cart accidents because of it! What if I got whiplash or something!? Sheesh. Another thing you ought to put on here: people who take their dear sweet time to choose something or walk slowly through the isles. Take your time if you want, I don’t care. Just make sure you get out of the way so others can pass. Also, when parking your cart in an isle, if it is on the same side of the isle, leave 1 cart length. On the other side? Leave 2. This way, people can pass. This is why I like going to the grocery store in the middle of the day on non-holiday workdays: fewer people.

  4. 2009 August 7
    Chase permalink

    Well said! Folks, take what this unnamed shopper says to heart! We’ve got be more efficient in the grocery store.

  5. 2009 August 17
    Cliff permalink

    charming post. upright one decimal where I bicker with it. I am emailing you in detail.

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