Make It Work: Infamous Fashion Crimes
Next month über-boy comic producer Marvel Comics will be releasing a miniseries to entice female readers to the comic book world. Called Models, Inc., Marvel will be uniting its so-called fashion-forward characters with Tim Gunn of Project Runway—in an Iron Man suit, naturally—for some mystery-solvin’ and good ole’ fashion hijinks.
Which leads me to wonder, “If Tim Gunn really was a super hero, which heinous past fashion crimes would he most want to change?”
Fanny packs made it acceptable for men to have a purse of their own—this was way before the murse became slightly socially okay. But, first of all, who wants to wear something that has the word “fanny” in it? And why would anyone want to put essentially a gigantic belt on the fattest part of their body? FAIL.
What are these used for—in case your pants don’t stay down?! Not only no they not make sense, they’re uncomfortable—those I’ve tried on—and insanely unflattering.
We don’t get these either. Who would want to make their shoulders larger? We can only surmise that high-powered business women in the ‘80s wanted to look as large as their male counterparts. Good thing these died with Dynasty.
Unless you are Mario Batali and can whip up something amazing with truffles and Parmesan cheese, or are a cute, small child, Crocs are completely banned from your clothing vernacular. Tim Gunn would be ashamed.
Super Low Rise Jeans
You remember when Britney and Xtina were duking it out for world dominance? They were also wrestling over who could wear her jeans lower. We’re not quite sure who actually won, but we were all the losers as the term “coin slot” entered our lexicon.
Trends in 2009 that would make even Tim Gunn shudder:
They didn’t look cool on MC Hammer or women who were actually enslaved in harems. Don’t let Urban Outfitter’s fool you into thinking these are fashionable.
This 2008 hipster trend is still holding strong, but sorry. We don’t want that much chest hair, dudes.
Headbands over the Forehead
Again, another hipster trend just now making its way to the tween crowd. Headbands don’t really function properly if they actually mush your hair into your face. They’re supposed to do the opposite.