Famous Cars VS. Thieves: Who Would Win?

2009 August 19

Everyone worries about how secure their car is from break-ins. It’s no fun to come out to your car and see smashed glass and a trashed interior. So, which type of car could prevent petty theft, and which famous cars are sitting ducks? Read below.

Flintstones Car

A real-life Flintstones car!

We love the Flintstones’ car, but how secure is this thing? Just about anyone could hop in it, run very quickly and escape. Made of stone and animal hides, it also seems very easy to take apart. We’re not sure why the cars are so basic and foot-powered when the Flintstones use animals for every other technological advance— pterodactyl airplanes and wooly mammoth dishwashers. Why couldn’t they have a saber tooth tiger carriage or something? Plus, isn’t the point of cars to not be walking? Anyway, we don’t deem the Flintstones car secure at all, and they were lucky they never had the darn thing stolen.  Plus, it doesn’t look like it would work out well in the real world.

KITT

Hyper-intelligent crime-fighting rover, the modified Trans Am known as KITT always sounded mildly pissed with his human counter-part, Michael Knight (David Hassellhoff). In addition to the ability to see, hear and smell, KITT also came equipped with the a slew of other features:

  • Computer AI -- KITT is essentially an advanced supercomputer on wheels that could think, learn, communicate and interact with humans.
  • Molecular Bonded Shell -- KITT is armored with “Tri-Helical Plasteel 1000 MBS” plating which protects him from almost all forms of conventional firearms and explosive devices.
  • Pyroclastic Lamination -- KITT is protected by a thermal-resistant coating that can withstand sustained temperatures of up to 800 degrees.
  • Turbo Boost - This allows KITT to accelerate to incredible speeds in excess of 200 mph.
  • Etymotic Equalizer -- This system allowed KITT to hear sound.
  • Olfactory Sensor -- KITT can “smell” via an atmospheric sampling device mounted in his front bumper.
  • Silent Mode - KITT can run silently.
  • Grappling Hook and Winch -- KITT has a hidden winch and grappling hook system.
  • Oil Jets/Smoke Screen -- KITT can spray an oil slick and a plume of smoke from under the rear bumper.
  • Flame Thrower -- KITT has flame throwers mounted under his bumpers
  • Seat Ejection System -- KITT had two front ejection seats.

And this is just a smattering of all the cool things he can do. Simply put, don’t mess with KITT.

The Batmobile

You’d have to be an idiot to try to steal this car! In its earliest incarnations, the Batmobile was mainly just armored, but in the 21st Century, the Batmobile has become much more than a car and is rather another weapon in Batman’s arsenal.

In later comics, the Batmobile has been modified into a tank-like armored riot control vehicle, complete with machine guns, a large cannon mounted on the front and large tank treads in place of tires. According to Batman’s narration, the only thing that can penetrate its armor “isn’t from this planet.”

In recent films, the Batmobile has a pair of autocannons mounted in the nose of the car between the front wheels. Other devices include:

  • Rear flaps for brake
  • Front autocannons
  • Rocket launcher
  • Landing hook to Sprung landing stabilization
  • Integrated fire-extinguishing system
  • Integrated safety connection to gasoline control
  • Jet engine on back of car for quick boosts/rampless jumps
  • Caltrops are deployed from the rear of the vehicle. B
  • Stealth mode, which turns off the car’s lights and reduces the engine sound enormously, making the car very hard to find in dark places
  • atman uses this to immobilize a police vehicle following him.
  • Front of car is heavily armored, so the car can crash into and destroy objects, and also protects the driver (Batman) while in the prone driving position/”Attack” mode
  • Both front wheels can eject when the vehicle is damaged to form the Batpod, a bat-cycle like vehicle (the rest self-destructs).

In other words, don’t try to break in or steal this car, or you will regret it. This is perhaps the coolest car on this list. A BATPOD. We rest our case.

Wienermobile

We’re not sure how easy it would be to swipe the Wienermobile. It must have some sort of advanced security, no? But imagine how hard it would be to hide that car—it would be impossible to find a place to store it, let alone find a buyer without getting caught. We think car thieves would have to be nuts to try to jack this car.

Some history about the Wienermobile: The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile evolved from Karl Mayer’s original 1936 vehicle to current vehicles seen on the road today. Although gas rationing kept the Wienermobile off the road during World War II, in the 1950’s Oscar Mayer created several new vehicles using a Dodge chassis or a Willy’s Jeep chassis.

These Wienermobiles were piloted by “Little Oscar,” who would visit stores, schools, orphanages, children’s hospitals and participate in parades and festivals. In 1988, Oscar Mayer launched its Hotdogger program, where recent college graduates were hired to drive the Wienermobile through various parts of the nation and abroad. Using a converted Chevy van chassis, Stevens Automotive Corporation built a fleet of ten Wienermobiles for the new team of Hotdoggers. In 1995, the Wienermobile grew in size to 27-feet long and 11-feet high—that would be very difficult to maneuver, let alone pilfer.

In 2000, the big dog was given the power of a 5700 GM VORTEC engine. The most recent version of the Wienermobile, built in 2004, has been updated to include a voice activated GPS Navigational System, an audio center with a wireless microphone and a horn that plays the Wiener Jingle.

There are 6 Wienermobiles currently in existence.

1981 DeLorean

Originally an ill-fated Irish sports car in real life, in Back to the Future, the DeLorean DMC 12 was capable of breaking the laws of quantum physics. Modified with a flux capacitor and a strategically placed nuclear generator, when traveling at precisely 88 mph, the DMC 12 was capable of time-travel.

Now, if you were in a car chase with someone, or a thief wanted to carjack you, the DeLorean would be a good fit for escaping, since you could merely jump to another time once you hit 88 mph. However, the same could be said for someone who wants to steal your car. They could easily—if they know how to use it—set the date on the display and travel to another time. Although, they would need to know that this baby doesn’t run on regular fuel.  You need a nuclear reaction (which was produced by plutonium borrowed/stolen from a group of Libyan terrorists) to generate the 1.21 “gigawatts” of electricity needed. Unless the DeLorean already has its Mr. Fusion generator supplied by the future. Then any thief would be good to go. Sorry, Doc—we hope you have a great security system on that baby.

Grave Digger

The most popular truck currently running, Grave Digger is considered to be one of the most influential monster trucks of all time.

Grave Digger was originally conceived in 1982 by Dennis Anderson. This first truck was a red 1952 Ford pickup truck, which was converted to a silver and blue 1951 Ford Panel Truck. The truck received its name when its owner, amicably trash talking with his fellow racers, said the famous line, “I’ll take this old junk and dig you a grave with it.”  Anderson gained a reputation for an all-or-nothing driving style and quickly became popular at local events. At one show, a scheduled monster truck failed to show up and Anderson, who already had large tractor tires on the truck, offered to crush cars in the absence of the full-size monster. Grave Digger was an instant success as a car crusher.

In 1986 Grave Digger underwent a transformation to complete monster truck and first received its famous black graveyard paint scheme. In 1987, Anderson beat Bigfoot, which was the first major victory for Grave Digger.

With a points championship now in place, Anderson moved to Grave Digger 2 in 1989, with a new 1950 Chevy panel van body. It was during this time that the reputation for wild passes was developed, and the popularity of the truck increased.

Throughout the 1990s, the popularity of the truck grew and forced Anderson to hire other drivers to run other Grave Digger trucks.

Perhaps the most visible trademarks of Grave Digger are the red headlights which glow menacingly whenever the truck is in competition. The lights were first used when Anderson was building a transporter out of a school bus and removed the red stop lights. After realizing they would fit in the headlights of the van, he installed them and the truck has had them ever since.

It would be quite a feat to even launch yourself up into the cab of this truck if you were trying to steal it. We’d save Grave Digger is pretty safe from criminals. Maybe it could just crush those in its way.

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